Boy Talking

What I replied to Tabby's text asking how was NS medical:

"Take photo, checkup, including groin exam with a very gruff army personnel, urine test which was gross, electrocardiogram which was weird because I had stuff clipped to my arms and legs and chest, the fastest dental check i had ever (the guy just screamed stuff like "c6 unerupted, b5 crown."), IQ test which i hate, it's like the impossible quiz, and being in a waiting room with like 30 other shirtless guys with moobs... sigh and they took my blood too those vampires"

...which pretty much summed up my trying day today. I hope this isn't considered under military indiscretion. "Loose lips sink ships" is my favourite one-liner wartime poem.

Also, from what Blogger Stats tell me, people are still reading the DF fiasco posts. So I shall grant everybody some closure, and this shall be the last formal address I have regarding the issue.

1) I'm functionally quitting LD. I've written an email to the LD exco, saying that I understand their difficult position (which is such a wonderful ambiguous term) and that I will stop going for LD activities until I get a reply from them saying, "There are no good reasons for you to go. Come back." So far it's been more than a week without a reply, and I don't think they're drafting a lengthy apology, using either the first or second definition, so I'm as good as gone. People who are still bitchy about the issue, I hope you are happy. I'm not exactly happy, but leaving a poisonous place does bring its reliefs.

2) Gathering intelligence, I've also learned a lot more about people. My deeply cynical side only says, "I told you so." The part of me that believes in the goodness of people, especially intelligent people, has been raped again. But I'm sure all these experiences will be a good chapter in my memoir someday. Coming to a store near you in the distant future; readers of this blog get a discount.

3) I am extremely grateful to the following people, whose names I've changed for my benefit and theirs:

The Geog Sistas^TM - for their fierce defense of me, and offering to bitchslap all my adversaries.

Liberal White Man - for telling me it was a very funny and well-written review, and that I don't have to worry about anything, and that I should keep writing.

Tall Woman - for being there for me, even the times when I didn't want you to, and understanding most of my shit, which is more than I can say for the company I keep around me

Galatea + Pushkin - for letting me know not all is lost, and for Galatea especially, for being mindblowingly smart, kind and generally admirable.

Guilty Girl Who Facebook-messaged Me - For reminding me most people have a conscience, but not all have courage, and I'm lucky to have both.

Jane Doe Who Emailed Me - For the general support, and again the affirmation in my beliefs/writing.

All The People Who Listened To Me Rant About The Unfairness Of It All - Thank you for agreeing with me and renewing my confidence in public sanity, and being as entertained as I am about this whole brouhaha. Common sense is still alive after all.

Generally speaking, I am overjoyed by the support I had this time. The last time I left a CCA, no one bothered or fought for me. I'm so glad I found some real friends this time, and chose rage instead of despair. I'm not saying that without the support, I wouldn't have insisted on being a pain in people's deserving asses. But with friends like these, the quest to despise ignorance, intolerance and hypocrisy is less lonely.

Also it made me feel less guilty about the so-called friends I left behind the last time. Before, I always had a shred of doubt, wondering if I was wrong to expect people to defend me. But now, with actual experience, I can say with more certainty - that you could have helped but you didn't. You're not wrong, but at least my disappointment isn't subjective anymore. Friends do have the choice to side their friends, and to fight for them. Mine did, this time. Maybe foolishly so, but that reckless loyalty makes it all the more touching. I love you guys.

4) Lastly, the thing that weighs heavily on some people's minds: Am I going to make this critiquing business a bad habit? My answer is I'm Not Sure. Firstly, I keep having the vision of LD hiring bouncers to prevent my entrance into any LD events. Secondly, I might be lynched by the crowds. But with all this free time now, you never know. Seriously though, if I do write future reviews/critiques, I will write them because I genuinely have something of value to say, not because I'm exploiting my notoriety as a loose cannon.

And I hope in the future, there will be intelligent debate and educated opinions on the subject matter. During the most intense period of the DF fiasco, I watched my blog stats septuple with mild obsession, but aside from the random fan mail, no one told me whether they agreed or disagreed with what I said. The cyber silence was expected, but we can do better than this. Literati, I appeal to you: Write, talk, argue, bitch even, but with me, out here, where we are protected by freedom of speech, mutual respect and common sense. Fear nothing but your duty to express truth. I know you prefer poetry, but this shit is real.